Hey Coach John

Courage to Stare Failure in the Face

Failure Doesn't Have To Be Final

I was embarrassed!  I had just sat through an entire meeting, grossly misunderstanding the agenda.  It finally dawned on me about half way through it that I wasn't on the same page as everyone else.  I had even made a few ignorant comments that were totally irrelevant to the meeting.  Unfortunately, I hadn't thoroughly read the memo.  Luckily, there were only a handful of people at the meeting.

As I walked away from the meeting, I felt about two inches tall - know what I mean?  When I sat down at my desk, I felt the Lord nudge me, encouraging me to make this a learning experience, to stare failure in the face and learn from it rather than being defeated by it.  I grabbed my pen and began to write. 

 As I took advantage of this awkard time in my life, I began to understand the tremendous power found in "unpacking failure."  I began to grasp the power of learning from ones mistakes and reflecting on them. 

So what is the anatomy of a failure?  To me, the anatomy of a failure is the ability to distill and unpack life's mistakes, then to repackage them so that you and others can benefit from them. I'm not suggesting we air our dirty laundry.  I'm just saying that failure is a part of every successful persons life, why not learn from it?  Here's how I try to unpack my failure.

1.  I always take time to reflect on the situation.

Emotional experiences always contain valuable information. Pull aside for a few minutes and capture the feeling of the moment - then record it. Jot down what you saw, how you felt it. Transcribe it in detail, the emotions, self insights and any other data that could prove important.

Always take time to reflect on what just happened while it's fresh.

2.  I ask myself, "What did I learn from my failure?"

Just because one experiences failure doesn't mean they are a failure. Make a choice to ignore the nagging voice of failure and make it a learning experience.  Accept it - then move on.  Ask yourself, what are the lessons learned, then jot them down.

Believe me, I jotted down many lessons as I dissected the above mentioned failure.  Valuable lessons are waiting to be learned from your failures too.

3.  Given similar situations, how will I respond next time?

Make a list of things you won't do next time, or maybe things you will do!  Be clear and specific in this list. Give youself time to record these, maybe a few days. Several years ago during my pasoral days, I created a list of things I learned during my first building program. I still have the list!  Today it would be timely advice for those in building programs.

4.  What was God saying to me in the midst of my failure?

It is extremely important to ask yourself, did I recognize God's hand in the situation?  Remember, I made the statement; God nudged me and admonished me to move on - to make this a learning experience? Write down what you feel God is saying - even if you're not sure.  The pen helps clarify what the mind conceives.

Conclusion:

Failure doesn't have to be final. Turn it into a lesson, a message, a stepping stone for yourself and others.  So get your pencil and paper and get ready to stare failure in the face, that is if you have the courage.

Coach John

Traits Needed for Effective Coaching

A coach helps the client take responsibility for their life

What comes to mind when you hear the word COACH?  For most, the word evokes a variety of ideas and thoughts. For one person it's a sporting event, to another possibly a mentor or favorite teacher. Unfortunately in today's world the term COACH is used to describe a plethora of ideas and activities. It''s become a popular buzz word in today's culture.

For those of us involved in the life coaching movement, the term COACH is narrowly defined as " a change expert who comes along side a leader and helps them take responsibility to act and maximize their own potential." 

A true coach believes in people. The coach's main goal is not to fix the client as much as it is to help them take stewardship of their own life. For these reasons, life coaching tends to produce leaders rather than followers.

So what tools does one need  to be an effective change catalyst (coach)? Here are just a few of the necessary traits that a coach must possess in order to be effective:

1. A coach must be relational. Coaching works best in a relational experience that invokes trust and openness.

2. A coach must exude authenticity. Root issues are best explored when there is openness and transparency. Authenticity quickly removes walls and defenses.

3. A coach must be a skilled listener. The coach is always looking for clues and intuition indicators in the conversation. This can't be done if one is not skilled at listening. For the most part, listening is a learned skill, a discipline.

4. A coach must have a tolerance for the uncomfortable. Coaches periodically explore areas in their clients lives or vocations that are uncomfortable. Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable is a must for the coach.

5. A coach must be skilled at asking the powerful questions. Powerful questions cause the client to explore and process deep feelings and emotions they would normally avoid. This is a must for change.

6. A coach must be skilled at goal setting. Coaches help clients formulate and articulate their goals.

7. A coach must understand accountablity.It's one thing to set a goal, but quite another to be held accountable to acomplish it.

8. A coach must be adept at developing an action plan. The action plan moves the client closer each week to the desired goal. The coach must shine in this area.

Conclusion:

Are you an aspiring life coach?  The above mentioned traits are only the beginning point on the journey to becoming an effective, coach. I personally recommend training if you are serious about becoming a coach. If you need more information about coach training and certification,  click here so shoot us an email. We offer coach certification training.

Coach John

Do You Plan to Vacate This Year?

Vacating must become a discipline.

Vacation time rolls around every year, however, many never take advantage of it. Surprisingly, relaxation is not a natural for countless leaders.

Preconditioned mindsets and unrelenting pressure to succeed produces a drive in leaders that doesn’t equate with relaxation.

Ironically, the scripture reveals that Jesus never condemned mankind for relaxing. As a matter of fact Jesus himself always seemed to be fresh and relaxed, almost as if He was on a vacation. 

So how do we learn to relax? What are the keys?  Here are a few that will hopefully help.

1. Don’t let yourself feel guilty for taking time off.

Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty for taking time off?  I know I have.  My advice is-don’t!

In the book of Mark, Jesus told His disciples to, “come apart for a while.” The implication is that if you don’t come apart for a while you will come apart in a while.

2. Don’t let yourself live in a hurried state of mind.

It has been said that hurry is the pace of the 21st century.

We have to understand that there is a huge difference between diligence and hurry. We must learn to pace ourselves.

I like what Joyce Meyer says, “Rushing begins in the mind, just as all actions do. “I have to hurry” is a thought pattern we must avoid.

3. Learn to schedule regular relaxation into your life.

Relaxation is a discipline.

It’s planned and scheduled, anyone can do it. It’s as simple as allowing your self the freedom to have a little get-away; whether it’s geographical or simply a frame of mind.

So, have you scheduled some relaxation time?

Conclusion

How about it, are you vacating this year? Go ahead plan that little get-away. You’ll have no regrets. Ahhh, how nice it is to relax.

Coach John

Works cited: In Pursuit of Peace, Joyce Meyer

Feedback......How to Give It - How to Receive It.

Life-giving feedback is a must for all leaders desiring to go to the next level.

Effective leaders know that in order to lead with clarity and precision, accurate feedback is a must. So what is Feedback?  It’s the art of collecting insight from others and factoring it into your personal leadership equation. 

My good friend Dr. Joseph Umidi, the founder and president of Lifeforming Leadership Coaching calls feedback “the breakfast of champions!” 

Feedback is a lost art in many circles. Why?  Because we've not welcomed it as readily as we need to. We’ve mistakenly assumed that by virtue of our training, expertise or calling, that we are immune from error.  Nothing could be further from the truth. Blind spots abound in all leaders; hence we all need timely input from trusted peers.

Need a few tips on giving and receiving feedback? Here are a few time proven principles:

1.To get feedback, you must always ask for it.

• If you don't welcome it, people will stop giving it.

2. Good feedback originates from those closest to you.

• Your most valuable feedback generally comes from your inner circle - those who know you best and
love you most. They are cognizant of your blind spots, but won’t discharge them until asked.

3. Accept all feedback, negative and positive, with grace.

• Not all feedback is accurate. People don't always hit the bullseye, but they rarely miss the whole target.

4.Always ask the person to specify if you do not understand their feedback.

• Specificity becomes the limus test to all feedback. If it can be specified, pay attention. if not, it could be merely criticism.

5. Feedback must be timely.

• Wait too long to give it or ask for it and it becomes stale and impotent. A word spoken in due season is like a beautiful picture in settings of gold and silver.

6. Written feedback can be valuable.

• Written feedback is invaluable; many will write it down clearer than they would say it. However, it is also easy to say more than is needed in written form. Use utmost care in giving written feedback.

Conclusion:

Feedback is a must for the forward progress of a leader. It affords us the rare opportunity of seeing ourselves as others do. To respond properly is to grow, to respond negatively is a missed opportunity for growth.

Are you open to positive feedback? Are you taking advantage of it for personal development? Don't forget, how you respond could very well deterrmine if any more is given. Think about it.

 

Coach John

Living Life - One Conversation at a Time

Come into the conversation with nothing but yourself

It has been said that life is comprised of one meaningful conversation after another. Could it really be that simple?" Possibly! I believe success in life is connected with our conversations, so it stands to reason that it's advantageous to become skilled in conversation. 

Are you living life one conversation at a time? Here are a few pointers, hope they help.

 1. Seek to understand, not interpret the other person.

2. Never interrupt the other person while they're talking.

3. Don't dominate the conversation.

4. Don't run ahead in your thinking.

 5. Never try to one-up the other person.

6. Be fully present in the conversation.

7. Ask and give good feedback.

8. Always ask for clarification if needed.

9. Let silence do the heavy lifting.

10. Master the couraage to interrogate the conversation.

Conclusion:

Conversations make or break us. In Jesus words, every man will be held accountable for every idle word,(Mt. 12:36) sounds pretty serious to me.

Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real. Live life - One conversation at a time.

Coach John

Works cited: Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations

The Work of Gleaning Principles

The Art of Extracting Lessons from Life

The art of extracting lessons from one’s life is almost a dying art in today’s world.  It’s a dying art for several reasons: 1) Most of us do not slow down long enough to reflect. 2) The job of reflection is inner work, therefore not as easy as it sounds.

As we stand on the brink of another completed year, one question we need to be asking ourselves is not “why,” but rather-what.  “What have I gleaned from my experiences this year?” Gleaning from life is simply taking time to reflect and learn from both the positive and negative experiences.

So in a nutshell here are a few of the principles I’ve gleaned, conclusions I’ve made if you please. Perhaps they’ll be a help to you and possibly spare you some heartache and pain. I’ve learned that…

1. God’s will generally moves slower than you think it should.
God rarely operates on the same timetable we do. If you don’t believe that, just ask Abraham, Job, or basically anyone who has walked with Him for a good while.  If this is true ─ and it is ─ then biblical patience and flexibility are great virtues.

Do you have the biblical quality of patience that’s required to inherit the promises of God? (See Hebrews 6:10.)

Slow down! Whoa partner.

2. All great people have great people in their lives.
I’ve learned that you can never be all God has destined for you to be without great people in your life; people who aren’t impressed with who you are, but who will tell you the truth and not back down.

Do you have these kinds of people in your life?

3. Knowing God is a journey.
God is so awesome that He can’t be known all at once. Why? Because He is  bigger than an experience, more substantial than an event, and He can’t be captured merely by our minds or feelings.

To be sure, part of the knowing experience is learning about God through the means of knowledge and information. (Books, the Bible, preaching/teaching)

However, knowing Him intimately is an experience, a ride, and a journey.  Are you ready for it?

Conclusion
So what lessons are you gleaning from life and ministry? Lady wisdom is always speaking, especially to those who will listen. (See Proverbs chapter 8) So let every life experience be a learning one. Go ahead, glean a few principles from the past, and then pass them on to fellow travelers. You’ll be glad you did.

We’ll revisit this again on our next blog post.

Coach John

 

New Features at Hey Coach John

It's time for something new

Ever get the feeling its time for something new? I know I do. My wife often gets upset with me for wanting to rearrange things. Things like the living room furniture, pictures on the wall, items on the night stand, etc. I just have a value that periodically, things need to change.

Consequently, I've been  thinking its time for something new on my blog site. I've had the awesome privilege of blogging since April of 2006. Consequently, you will find over a 100 articles stored on this site, both by category and monthly archives, ready for your perusal. However in all  these  years there is one area I've yet to venture into, the use of video and audio spots embedded into my blogs. That's about to change.

My plan is to continue my traditional habit of blogging, but also to begin embedding video and audio content periodically into the site.  Most of them will be related to the same topics that I have customarily covered, (leadership issues, coaching, ministerial issues, etc.) however, I will address many of them vocally and visually. I'll be sharing personal insights, biblical truth and other personal development topics that will hopefully offer encouragement and help.

I'd like for you to join us for these new features-coming soon. Like I said earlier, It's time for something new!

Coach John

Five Tips for Managing Stress

To the unaware and uninformed, stress can be a silent killer

Twenty first century living can be stressful to say the least. Regrettably, very few seem to escape the difficulty and challenges of life. What's a person to do? Over the years I’ve come to believe that a great key to surviving stress is not merely escaping it, but rather managing it.

For me, managing stress is the learned skill of stress reduction and dissipation. In order to survive the turbulence of this day and age we must become intentional about combating stress and work at perfecting the art. 

  “So how do I go about it?” you’re asking. Here are a few pointers that have worked for me over the years. Run them through your grid and see what you think.

1. Understand the seriousness of ignoring personal stress.

Stress and its side effects has now become a menacing dilemma for most people living in the U.S. Doctors now believe that stress contributes significantly to many of our modern diseases. 

It is estimated that almost half of all doctor visits are stress related and anxiety reduction may now very well be the largest single business in the Western world!

Consequently, developing an awareness of the effects of stress, and how to deal with it is imperative.

See Phil. 4:6-8

2. Learn to recognize the signs of personal stress and what to do about it. 

To the unaware and uninformed, stress can be a silent killer. Although its symptoms are varied for each individual, they are very real and carry a potential hazard if ignored or overlooked.  

Here are just a few of the common symptoms related with stress.
• A constant feeling of being drained (emotionally and physically)
• An overwhelming feeling of frustration regarding certain situations or life in general
• Small decisions become major issues.
• Physical symptoms include; chronic fatigue, high blood pressure and unexplainable headaches.
• A marked loss of appreciation for people.

Stress management expert, Dr. Terry Lyles, says that stress can be easily overcome when one learns to recognize the symptoms and takes appropriate actions to defuse them.

See Mark 6:30-32

Conclusion

So what is it that’s stressing you?  Is it people, situations, unrealistic expectations? Stress is triggered by different circumstances in every individual; nevertheless it’s a real threat that we all must learn to manage.

We’ll continue our look into stress in the next blog and learn some practical, biblical ways to combat it. In the mean time, try to identify and jot down on paper that which is stressing you.

Coach John

 

Steamy Truths of a Sexual Nature

Proverbs 5:1a; 3 NLT “My son, pay attention to my wisdom…The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil.”

Are you ready for some steamy truths of a sexual nature?  Oh, I’m not talking about an article from Ann Landers, “GQ,” or the “Redbook.”  I’m referring to the writings of King Solomon.  Proverbs has a lot to say about sexual relationships. 

The king pulls no punches when it comes to sexual issues.  He’s very open, frank and often quite blunt – he gives us just what we need to safely navigate in today’s “sex crazed” generation.

Solomon’s writings deal implicitly with the following sexual issues.  1)  Sexual immorality.  2)  The personal price of infidelity.  3)  The joys of married life & love.  4)  The consequences of sexual immorality.  Though given centuries ago, the advice is still relative and valid.

Scattered throughout the book you’ll find a plethora of advice and admonition.  In the fifth chapter, Solomon gives us the clear signs of sexual temptation.  Notice verse three…”the lips of an immoral woman drip honey and her mouth is smoother than oil.”  The Hebrew word for lips is the word saw-faw (Strongs H 8193) and it is a direct reference to language.  The lips speak of speech, words and conversation.  Sexual temptation begins with sweetness of words.

Notice the writer compares the immoral woman’s words with the sweetness of honey.  In ancient Israel, honey was the sweetest substance known to man.  The idea is this; attraction to another woman is sweet & smooth – guard your conversation with a person of the opposite sex.

In verses nine through fourteen, Solomon covers the gamut of consequences for sexual immorality.  In verse nine he states; you will lose your honor among your peers and subject yourself to years of scorn and rejection.  In ten, he mentions the possible loss of wealth and money – verse eleven, the chance of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.  Not to mention regret and mental anguish – verse twelve.  Finally, he states that immorality subjects you to dishonor and disgrace before others –verse twelve.  In essence, it doesn’t pay!

No list having to do with sexual issues would be complete without addressing the joys of sexual intimacy within the context of marriage.  In verses fifteen through twenty, he challenges us to never exchange the lasting intimacy of marriage for the cheap thrill of an immoral affair.  The writer is clear when he says …“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Proverbs  5:18 NLT.  

Are King Solomon’s writings outdated?  I don’t think so!  Steamy and straight forth?  Yes!  Honest, and to the point?  Absolutely!  In light of these facts, it might be wise to forego the advice in Gentleman’s Quarterly or the Redbook and take firm hold of eternal wisdom.  What do you think?

Coach John

Navigating the Danger Zones of Ministry - Final Part

A focused life becomes a driving force.

Let's close this series of articles by talking about the last phase of the minister's life and career - the Latter Ministry Phase. Surprisingly, not very many ministers will reach this phase successfully. According to Dr. J. Robert Clinton, only about 3 out of 10 will finish well. (FYI, he has studied, researched and documented the lives of more than 1400 leaders - both biblical, historical and contemporary leaders substantuating his statements.)

The latter ministry phase usually begins somewhere around the age of 50. By this time the minister has a well established spiritual foundation - his ministerial skills have been keenly honed and sharpened. He or she is a well oiled machine, ready to produce. At this point another strange thing begins to happen - God begins to place in the heart of the minister a sincere desire to leave a lasting legacy.

A focused life becomes the driving force. His life and ministry takes on a strategic nature, endeavoring to find the right ministry setting, the best environment, proper locale - things of this nature. His giftedness is well established and is usually in full bloom, ready to produce its best fruit.

This is not to say the minister was out of the will of God up to this point - its just that he spent many years discovering and chasing his destiny. At this stage, he doesn’t want to waste the pain and effort it took to get to this place. He's desperate to make a mark that will be remembered.

Questions asked at this juncture might be; "Am I really in the right place, should I be pastoring here? Should I be an author, an educator, a teacher ?", etc. Most of the questions are dealing with the “being” issues. By this time, the minister/leader has moved past “doing” as the basis of ministry. He fully understands that ministry flows out of who he is, not what he does.

If he is spiritually healthy and alert, this can be his or her most productive years of ministry. This phase can last 20 years plus, depending on how focused the minister stays. Nevertheless, there are a few inherent dangers that loom during the latter ministry years. Here are just a few:

1. The minister becomes sidetracked.

At this stage of ministry the minister must learn to say no to good things so he or she can stay focused on that which is best. Many a minister gets sidetracked with things that are legitimate, but not expedient for ministry.

2. Abuse of spiritual authority.

Often, because of years of success, the minister can presume upon his or her authority with others. This is a serious mistake. (See Philemon 8-9) Spiritual authority is never assumed upon. It comes with a price and is always earned.

3. The minister plateau's.

Are you plateaued? Or are you still growing and receiving new things from God? In the medical field, flat-lining can be fatal - so in ministry too. Keep growing, keep reading, stay in accountability to someone. Don't plateau.

4. Ministry becomes routine.

By this time, one usually has the "ropes of ministry" well learned. He or she can move a crowd, give an altar call, preach at the drop of a hat and manipulate things or people if needed. This is when ministry becomes routine and often lethal. Whatever it costs - stay sincere.

Conclusion

The Danger Zones abound, don't think you're immune from them. Brace yourself and stay alert. No wonder Peter admonished us to "Be sober, be alert..." Don't forget, you can make it. 

Go ahead...Survive the Danger Zones!

Coach John

Works Cited: Dr. J. Robert Clinton, Making of a Leader