Hey Coach John

Steamy Truths of a Sexual Nature

Proverbs 5:1a; 3 NLT “My son, pay attention to my wisdom…The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil.”

Are you ready for some steamy truths of a sexual nature?  Oh, I’m not talking about an article from Ann Landers, “GQ,” or the “Redbook.”  I’m referring to the writings of King Solomon.  Proverbs has a lot to say about sexual relationships. 

The king pulls no punches when it comes to sexual issues.  He’s very open, frank and often quite blunt – he gives us just what we need to safely navigate in today’s “sex crazed” generation.

Solomon’s writings deal implicitly with the following sexual issues.  1)  Sexual immorality.  2)  The personal price of infidelity.  3)  The joys of married life & love.  4)  The consequences of sexual immorality.  Though given centuries ago, the advice is still relative and valid.

Scattered throughout the book you’ll find a plethora of advice and admonition.  In the fifth chapter, Solomon gives us the clear signs of sexual temptation.  Notice verse three…”the lips of an immoral woman drip honey and her mouth is smoother than oil.”  The Hebrew word for lips is the word saw-faw (Strongs H 8193) and it is a direct reference to language.  The lips speak of speech, words and conversation.  Sexual temptation begins with sweetness of words.

Notice the writer compares the immoral woman’s words with the sweetness of honey.  In ancient Israel, honey was the sweetest substance known to man.  The idea is this; attraction to another woman is sweet & smooth – guard your conversation with a person of the opposite sex.

In verses nine through fourteen, Solomon covers the gamut of consequences for sexual immorality.  In verse nine he states; you will lose your honor among your peers and subject yourself to years of scorn and rejection.  In ten, he mentions the possible loss of wealth and money – verse eleven, the chance of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.  Not to mention regret and mental anguish – verse twelve.  Finally, he states that immorality subjects you to dishonor and disgrace before others –verse twelve.  In essence, it doesn’t pay!

No list having to do with sexual issues would be complete without addressing the joys of sexual intimacy within the context of marriage.  In verses fifteen through twenty, he challenges us to never exchange the lasting intimacy of marriage for the cheap thrill of an immoral affair.  The writer is clear when he says …“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Proverbs  5:18 NLT.  

Are King Solomon’s writings outdated?  I don’t think so!  Steamy and straight forth?  Yes!  Honest, and to the point?  Absolutely!  In light of these facts, it might be wise to forego the advice in Gentleman’s Quarterly or the Redbook and take firm hold of eternal wisdom.  What do you think?

Coach John

Navigating the Danger Zones of Ministry - Final Part

A focused life becomes a driving force.

Let's close this series of articles by talking about the last phase of the minister's life and career - the Latter Ministry Phase. Surprisingly, not very many ministers will reach this phase successfully. According to Dr. J. Robert Clinton, only about 3 out of 10 will finish well. (FYI, he has studied, researched and documented the lives of more than 1400 leaders - both biblical, historical and contemporary leaders substantuating his statements.)

The latter ministry phase usually begins somewhere around the age of 50. By this time the minister has a well established spiritual foundation - his ministerial skills have been keenly honed and sharpened. He or she is a well oiled machine, ready to produce. At this point another strange thing begins to happen - God begins to place in the heart of the minister a sincere desire to leave a lasting legacy.

A focused life becomes the driving force. His life and ministry takes on a strategic nature, endeavoring to find the right ministry setting, the best environment, proper locale - things of this nature. His giftedness is well established and is usually in full bloom, ready to produce its best fruit.

This is not to say the minister was out of the will of God up to this point - its just that he spent many years discovering and chasing his destiny. At this stage, he doesn’t want to waste the pain and effort it took to get to this place. He's desperate to make a mark that will be remembered.

Questions asked at this juncture might be; "Am I really in the right place, should I be pastoring here? Should I be an author, an educator, a teacher ?", etc. Most of the questions are dealing with the “being” issues. By this time, the minister/leader has moved past “doing” as the basis of ministry. He fully understands that ministry flows out of who he is, not what he does.

If he is spiritually healthy and alert, this can be his or her most productive years of ministry. This phase can last 20 years plus, depending on how focused the minister stays. Nevertheless, there are a few inherent dangers that loom during the latter ministry years. Here are just a few:

1. The minister becomes sidetracked.

At this stage of ministry the minister must learn to say no to good things so he or she can stay focused on that which is best. Many a minister gets sidetracked with things that are legitimate, but not expedient for ministry.

2. Abuse of spiritual authority.

Often, because of years of success, the minister can presume upon his or her authority with others. This is a serious mistake. (See Philemon 8-9) Spiritual authority is never assumed upon. It comes with a price and is always earned.

3. The minister plateau's.

Are you plateaued? Or are you still growing and receiving new things from God? In the medical field, flat-lining can be fatal - so in ministry too. Keep growing, keep reading, stay in accountability to someone. Don't plateau.

4. Ministry becomes routine.

By this time, one usually has the "ropes of ministry" well learned. He or she can move a crowd, give an altar call, preach at the drop of a hat and manipulate things or people if needed. This is when ministry becomes routine and often lethal. Whatever it costs - stay sincere.

Conclusion

The Danger Zones abound, don't think you're immune from them. Brace yourself and stay alert. No wonder Peter admonished us to "Be sober, be alert..." Don't forget, you can make it. 

Go ahead...Survive the Danger Zones!

Coach John

Works Cited: Dr. J. Robert Clinton, Making of a Leader

Navigating The Danger Zones of Ministry - Part III

“Ministry is complex, problematic, difficult and fraught (loaded) with risk.”- Dr. Bobby Clinton, Fuller Theological Seminary.

Let's talk about the Middle Ministry years. To borrow the words of one writer, middle ministry years are "the best of times and the worst of times." It is during these years that a subtle shift begins to take place in the minister's focus. The shift is from a focus on spiritual formation, to skill formation.  It's a good shift and often timely for him or her.

It usually begins to dawn on the minister that just because he can pray and study the bible doesn’t mean he has the skills to communicate it. Or just because he has good character doesn’t mean he can administrate a church. When this realization sets in, a strong desire to develop ministerial skills usually follows.

Keep in mind most ministers are not born with many of these skills, they have to be developed and learned. Skill formation could include such things as:  administrative, leadership, motivational or possibly confrontational skills. The list could go on and on depending on the minister. 

With the major focus of middle ministry years on "doing," often other areas become neglected. Here are a few inherent dangers that seem to emerge in middle ministry years. 

1.  The danger of moving away from spiritual disciplines.

Skill formation is a subtle shift into doing ministry more effectively. There  is always a danger when doing becomes over emphasized.  It is easy to move away from spiritual matters.

The inherent danger is that the minister becomes skilled- but nonspiritual.

2. The loss of a learning posture.
The temptation during middle ministry years is to stop learning. Most stop reading in this season of  life and consequently learning declines. The minister must posture him or herself to be a  lifelong learner.

Fail to maintain a learning posture and one can only operate out of an old wineskin. The result is staleness instead of fresh oil.

3.  Family/Marriage conflict arising in the home.
When the kids leave home, the foundation of a marriage usually gets tested. Those who have not built a good foundation are in for a rough go.

Marriage commitments must be renewed nurtured and guarded during all seasons of ministry but especially the middle ministry years. 

4.  Identity crisis - caused by a shift from being to doing.

Most ministers carry a lot of hidden emotional baggage.  Hurts, wounds, unrealized dreams and expectations hit you hard during this time period, especially things you haven’t had the courage to face. (i.e. fears, forgiveness issues, unrealistic expectations, etc.)

Most ministers go through great emotional adjustment in middle ministry years.

5. The danger of coasting.

Due to prolonged and stressful ministry conditions, many tend to coast in their middle years– it’s easier. Others, because of weariness, frustration and continued discouragement simply lose heart.

Coasting can look very inviting after years of pedaling. 

Conclusion

Are you getting my drift about the danger zones unique to the different phases of ministry? I hope so –they are real and can present serious challenges to the minister and his family. However, never forget, You Can…Survive the Danger Zone.

Coach John

Works Cited: J. Robert Clinton, Making of a Leader

Navigating the Danger Zones of Ministry - Part II

There's no such thing as ministry without pitfalls.

Undoubtedly, all ministry has its danger zones, areas that are slippery, challenging, and need special navigational skills. To presume otherwise is to border on arrogance and presumptuous.

As we study the lives of biblical and contemporary leaders, we find common dangers zones that are unique to certain phases of ministry. That is, areas that are "a given" for trouble and danger, time proven-biblically solid. The key to overcoming is being forewarned of these areas and thus prepared as you enter into them. 

Dr. J. Robert Clinton pinpoints three phases of ministry that present real and present danger zones, they are; early, middle, and latter ministry years.  Let's look at some pitfalls of the early ministry years.

The Early Ministry Years

Early Ministry Phase is defined as the first steps one takes when developing in ministry. It’s characterized by hearing and answering the call and moving toward full time ministry. The age of the minister varies, depending on when they are called. EMP usually lasts anywhere from three to seven years.

The primary focus of this phase is Spiritual Formation. In other words, God is developing the inner life of the man or woman of God. Spiritual habits are being formed - ones that will carry the minister though a lifetime of service.

These are often crucial years, simply because what is taking place in the inner life is so foundational for a successful ministry. The key is to build a good foundation, if one does it well, success awaits. Neglect to build it, certain failure looms ahead.

Spiritual habits such as a well developed prayer life, hunger for and skill in the Word of God, integrity, obedience, are just a few of the things God is doing in the life of the young minister. Also new paradigms are being forged within the mind and spirit of the minister. His concept of God is, as well as his own personal identity is in constant state of flux, producing treacherous seasons of change.

Three Key Responses

 If I could give you valuable keys to navigating this phase, they would be: 1) Endeavor to maintain a proper response toward God, things like obedience, honesty, sincerity and openness. 2) Stay in close accountability to someone. Never underestimate the power of significant people in your life. 3) Practice discipline. Ministry can be tough - without discipline, there is no way to endure.

Conclusion

Do you know someone in the early years of ministry?  Share this message with them. Keep them in your oversight and care. Danger zones are real, but they don't have to be death zones. They are simply rites-of-passage to effective, full time ministry. Will you pass through the zone? Remember, you can...Survive the Danger Zones

Coach John

Works Cited: J.Robert Clinton, ''The Making  of a Leader"

Lessons Learned from a Cliff Hanger

Hard challenges are great morale boosters

The alarm went off at 5:00am. It was a special day; my son had invited me to go rock climbing in the Witchita Mountains in southwest Oklahoma. Soon we were on the road, bright and early. The fall foliage colored the landscape with bright reds and unique yellows, the air – crisp and clean. A perfect day for climbing!

It was a first for me. However, my son Andy is an experienced and talented climber. (See below footnote about Andy) After arriving at the park, he led the way as we hiked forty-five minutes across the boulder dotted landscape.

We traversed by wild buffalo, deer and who knows what other kinds of critters! Finally we arrived at a rock formation called “The Lost Dome.” Before I knew it, I was “on the wall,” making my first ever climb.

As I reflected back on the day, I suddenly realized I had learned many valuable lessons. I’d like to share some of them as a tribute to my son, who is a great young man. Here’s what I learned:

1. With proper coaching, you can accomplish great feats

Honestly, I was a little intimidated as I looked up at the 90 foot granite wall. However, Andy coached me step by step, explaining about my equipment, and the climb. Only with his help, was this even possible.

Lesson learned: We must have others to help us on the journey of life. We can’t get it done without them.

Relationships are important aren’t they? Are you connected with anyone?

Prov. 27:17

2. Hard challenges are great morale boosters
I hate to admit it, but about ten feet up the wall I was ready to give up! I mean really! My hands hurt from the sharp granite, my toes, legs and arms were throbbing - in harmony!

The thought hounded me…”this is not good, a fifty-one year old man hanging on the side of a cliff!” After twenty minutes of taking it “one move at a time,” I made it to the top.

Lesson learned: Persistence pays great dividends. I really felt like I had accomplished something - I’m still pumped!

Rom. 5:3-5

3. We need comrades who will cheer us on.
One thing that really stood out was the camaraderie I witnessed at the slopes that day. It was like they all knew each other. (Really they didn’t!) .

Interestingly enough, I got stuck at one point, about seventy feet into the climb. One of the fellow rock climbers then climbed up next to me and gave me a few pointers. Imagine that! Then they climbed above me and took my picture. How neat!

Lesson learned: God sends us comrades to cheer us on as we walk through life; those willing to climb along side and help.

Heb. 12:1

Conclusion

I know none of this seems very spiritual. However, life itself is full of valuable lessons – teachable moments. I know I certainly experienced one this weekend. Proverbs tell us that wisdom speaks from the streets at the place where the paths meet. (Prov. 8:1-3)

Will I try climbing again? Sure! Will I become a pro? I doubt it! However, I did have a great time and learned some valuable lessons from my son, The Cliff Hanger!

Coach John

Andy Chasteen’s Bio:
Andy is a pro/amateur rock climber who is passionate about the sport. He is involved in organizing major rock climbing events around the country and was recently appointed as the regional contact person for Solid Rock Climbers for Christ, a national Christian Climbing Club.

Andy is thirty one years old. He lives in the OKC metro area. He works for Robert Half Financial Services in downtown OKC. If you would like to contact him, you may do so at andy.chasteen@gmail.com

Discovering And Living By Your Core Values - Part II

How to discover your core values

Core values are not something we normally spend our waking hours contemplating. I know of very few who actually sit around saying, “Wow, I think I’d like to discover my core values today.” Not happening, dude!

So maybe you’re thinking, “Why then are you writing about the topic?” I am writing because I believe that although most of us seldom search out our core values, intrinsically we all desire to know them - it’s actually a God given desire. See Ecclesiastes 11:3 Ampl, God sets purpose in our hearts...

So the question is,”how do I recognize my core values?” How do I become more acquainted with them and actually begin to live my life accordingly? Here are a few more pointers to add to last week’s list:

1. Core values actually determine much of our energy flow and effectiveness in life.

God in His wisdom actually created you to operate according to your design. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t operate outside of it, it simply means you function optimally within certain parameters.

To operate continually outside of ones design produces drag. Drag is an aviation term describing the friction caused by external forces working against the airplane. Reduce the drag, speed up the plane - increase the drag, and slow down the plane.

This works in every realm; physical, emotional, vocational and spiritual, etc. For instance, work in a job not suited for your design and it will take more energy. Get it?

So do you know your core values? Are you working within your design? Learn to labor from your “sweet spot” and watch how little energy it takes.

2. Discover your core values by scrutinizing your negative responses to life.

This is really a neat way to easily discern your heartfelt core values. Simply ask yourself the question “what makes me wince?” What upsets me most? Your answers to these questions will help reveal your core values.

Do you scorn tardiness? Then you probably have a core value for promptness and respect for others. Do you despise waste and misuse? Then it’s obvious you value thriftiness and frugality.

The same test works in the spiritual, emotional and actually in all realms. It’s really simple, scrutinize your negative responses to life and discover your values.

Conclusion:

All of us have core values, however not all of us are conscious of them. Want to save energy and get more done in life? Discover your core values and learn live by them.

I’ll leave you with this scripture:

“God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing. “ .........Apostle Paul - Eph 2:10 New Century Version

Coach John

Discovering and Living By Your Core Values

Core values are essential to keeping your life on track

Core Values – everybody has them. As a matter of fact, we all live by them either consciously or subconsciously. They really are the driving force behind our lives.

Many of our core values do not originate from ourselves; they were given to us by others. I guess you could call them hand-me down values. Of course, others you formed as you navigated through life.

So you might be asking,” how does one define a value?” I define a value as “a distinctive set of core beliefs by which one measures his or her priorities in life.”

Values are an essential part in keeping one’s life on track. When we clarify our values, we begin to lay down a plumb line for all our decisions. They help us to navigate as we face future crossroads in our life.

Do you want to find your values? Here are a couple of quick ways to help you get started in discovering your core values and help you hammer them into a values statement:

1. Your values will always show up in the form of patterns in your life

Author and speaker Doug Fike says, “Life’s patterns are what values look like when lived out”. A pattern is something you are consistently doing because you have a certain value.

If you can discern patterns that crop up in your life, whether good or bad, then you can begin to understand the underlying values behind them.

Start with a list of patterns that seem to define your life.

2. Oftentimes your values can be described in short, simple one or two word phases

For instance, notice the following short word phrases and see if you can see a values pattern: “Spirit-filled and led, intimacy with God, quiet time, prayer.” These are a few of the short phrases that I use to describe my values on Spiritual life.

Now, take any category like marriage, personal development, or family for example, and begin to jot down phrases, images, or a short series of words to describe the way you feel about it. In reality, these are your values.

Keep working on them, refining and rephrasing them for a more defined set of core values.

Conclusion:

I suggest you practice the above exercises in ten key areas of your life; they are as follows:

1. Spiritual life
2. Marriage/single life
3. Family and children
4. Work
5. Church and ministry
6. Financial stewardship
7. Physical stewardship
8. Personal development
9. Social stewardship
10.Recreation and hobbies

If you would like to see my set of core values in these areas, click on the “about” section in the upper left hand corner of this blog.

"Guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life". Solomon - Prov. 4:23 NLT

Hope this helps!

Coach John

Works Cited: Doug Fike, Life Focus Resources, Transformational Leadership Coaching, 2005

The Power of Praying Specific Prayers

Praying With Your Understanding

What a privilege it is to pray! Did you know that you were the only created being who was ever asked to pray? Angels aren’t, animals don’t, and no other created being prays - only humans. Truly, what a privilege it is to pray.

Several years ago, while in a season of protracted prayer, the Lord spoke something into my spirit that forever changed my thinking about the power of prayer. I was minding my own business when the Lord said;” My people are not praying specific enough prayers.”

Stunned by what I had just heard, I set out on a quest to investigate the idea of praying specific prayers. Much to my surprise, I found that the Word of God is filled with examples of people praying specific prayers. Here are a few observations and practices that have worked for me as I have endeavored to be more specific in prayer:

1. Start by Journaling Your Prayer Requests

Using a prayer journal forces you to crystallize your thoughts and become more specific in your requests. No, you don’t have to write down every word of your prayer, simply jot down the gist or idea. If you write too much, it becomes legalistic, too little and your request is vague and ambiguous.

Journaling will also help you stay on target. You can pray over the need until it is met or you are released from the burden of it.

2. Pray over Your Prayer Journal Consistently

In Luke 11:5-8, Jesus describes a kind of praying that gets results. He uses the word “importunity” to describe it. The Word “importunity” means to pray without shame or backwardness; to have audacity, to be unrelenting and earnest.

Praying your journal helps you pray this way. The idea is that of petition - thought out requests. Pray over your prayer journal consistently.

3. Be Open To Adjustments In Your Praying

Praying specifically does not always translate into praying accurately, after all, we’re only human. Therefore, after praying over a specific request for a season with no results or assurance, we need to be willing to adjust our prayers.

Adjustment in prayer requires several things: 1) Listening to what the Holy Spirit is saying. 2) Closely monitoring the situation we are praying about. 3) Hearing God’s voice in His Word. 4) Hearing from those involved or close to the situation.

Only then can we adjust our praying.

Conclusion:

Many of us are not praying specific enough prayers. Would you know if God answered your prayer? Or is your prayer life vague and ambiguous? Why not pray like you mean it? I still say... oh, what a privilege it is to pray!

Coach John

It's Okay To Relax

Learning the Art of Unwinding
Ahhh, how nice it is to relax! I say this as I write from the back deck of my daughter’s house at beautiful Lake of the Ozarks. It is Labor Day weekend and I’m having a great time!

I make mention of this because it’s rather unfortunate many of us ministers/leaders have a difficult time letting ourselves indulge. Ironically, it’s taken me several days to unwind myself! Nevertheless, I strongly believe that God wants to teach us how to relax.

Surprisingly, relaxation is unnatural for many. Preconditioned mindsets and unrelenting pressure to succeed produces a drive in us that doesn’t equate with relaxation.

However, scripture reveals that Jesus never condemns mankind for relaxing. As a matter of fact Jesus himself always seemed to be fresh and relaxed, almost as if He was on a vacation. Not a bad way to live, huh?

So how do we learn to relax? What are the keys? Well, here are a few pointers, hopefully they will help.

1. Don’t feel guilty for taking time off

Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty for taking time off? I know I have. My advice is…don’t!

In the book of Mark, Jesus told His disciples to, “come apart for a while.” The implication is that if you don’t come apart for a while you will come apart in a while. (Mk.6:31 KJV)

2. Don’t let yourself feel hurried

It has been said that hurry is the pace of the 21st century. We have to understand that there is a huge difference between diligence and hurry. We have to learn to pace ourselves.

I like what Joyce Meyer says, “Rushing begins in the mind, just as all actions do. “I have to hurry” is a thought pattern we must avoid.

3. Learn to schedule regular relaxation into your life.

Relaxation is a discipline. It’s planned and scheduled. Anyone can do it. It’s as simple as allowing yourself the freedom to have a little get-away; whether that get-away is geographical or simply a frame of mind.

So, have you scheduled some relaxation time?

Conclusion

It’s okay to relax! As a matter of fact, you should practice it daily, weekly and monthly. Are you? Why not start now; ask God and He will help you.

Ahhh, how nice it is to relax.

Coach John

Works sited: In Pursuit of Peace, Joyce Meyer

Living Wisely

Accessing the Book of Proverbs for Daily Wisdom

Prov. 4:7 Getting wisdom is the most important thing you can do! And whatever else you do, get good judgment.

Need wisdom for daily living? Don’t feel alone- most of us do! Wisdom is the predominate theme of the book of Proverbs. Hence, the book is the “wisdom manual” for daily living. It’s designed to provide common sense and skill in dealing with everyday problems. It brings balance to our lives as we endeavor to live in the high tech – so called “information age.” According to our text, the acquiring of wisdom is “…the most important thing you can do!”

The Purpose of the Proverbs

Solomon begins the book by saying “The purpose of these proverbs is to teach people wisdom…” (Prov. 1:2a) In essence, he is saying... “I am writing so that you too can have a personal encounter with wisdom! Wow! How important is wisdom in the book? Important enough to be mentioned over 123 times!

The Hebrew word for wisdom is the word hokmah. It is a multifaceted word that means “to have skill, intelligence, and sensibility, judicious prow, to be endued with reason.” Wisdom is simply the ability to live skillfully in whatever actual circumstances we find ourselves.

The Magnetic Appeal of Wisdom

It’s noteworthy to observe that King Solomon primarily presents wisdom in two forms throughout the book - the feminine gender, and first person. Concerning the feminine gender you might ask; why does he present wisdom as a woman? Some scholars lay the blame on his heightened preoccupation with women. However, since all scripture is given inspiration of God, there must be a deeper purpose. I believe the Holy Spirit is giving us a physical picture of spiritual truth. Think about it - from the natural standpoint, woman is appealing and attractive. So is wisdom! She is desirable and unique among the species. Wisdom too holds these same qualities. In the creation account, woman is also represented as the crowning of all God’s creation – the completion of humankind. Wisdom too brings fullness and completion. It is principal, first and necessary. Many comparisons could be made, thus elevating the value of both women and wisdom.

The Spirit of Wisdom

Regarding the use of “first person,” Solomon uses it to set forth the truth that wisdom speaks directly to each of us. (i.e. Prov. 8:6-7 Listen to me! For I have excellent things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth and hate every kind of deception.) By using the first person, the Holy Spirit is representing wisdom as something that is personal -not as mere information or knowledge. Wisdom therefore becomes intimate, real and animate. Wisdom takes on the notion of a close, personal friend!

Conclusion

Well, much more could be said concerning wisdom. However, each of us still needs wisdom for daily living. The book of Proverbs centers on these concerns more than any other book in your bible. Why not avail yourself to it? Let’s wise up!

Coach John