Listening - The Key To Meaningful Conversation

Most people have an extreme deficit in their listening skills

Listening – a relatively simple skill, one that everyone practices routinely, right? Actually, not so! As a matter of fact, most people I know are extremely deficit in their listening skills. Why? Because we’ve not been taught the power of effective listening.

Because of this, most of us have what I label “selective hearing.” That is, only hearing what we want to hear.

So you might ask, “is the ability to listen a learned skill or an innate ability?” Good question. While I do believe certain personality types do have a propensity for listening, I tend to believe that listening is a skill that can be learned and improved upon.

So what are some of the listening skills that one should focus on and where do we begin to start to sharpen these skills? Here are a few tips for sharpening our listening.

1. Start by being fully present when listening.

True listening is the art of fully engaging someone, being fully present while in the conversation. Such practice is rare in today’s world.

To be fully present in a conversation is a powerful force, one that has life changing consequences for the person being engaged. Listening with this kind of intensity demands not only a measure of self denial, but also some learning and much practice.

To be fully engaged in conversation always releases the being listened to feel more affirmed, supported and valued. When engagement is not offered, the opposite is true.

2. Learn to listen to others merely for support purposes.

Being a trained life coach I’ve learned that the number one distraction from true listening is the typical strong urge to offer solutions. Surprisingly enough, this often distorts communication by superimposing my agenda into the conversation and sidetracking it from the real issues.

It’s odd to me how we have this strange tendency to want to fix everyone. I’m not implying we can’t and shouldn’t help people, but what usually happens is we create people who become dependent upon us to do their thinking – followers not leaders.

How long has it been since you’ve listened in a supportive role?

3. Learn to listen intuitively
To listen intuitively means to look for red flags in conversations, signals that raise concerns. It could be something as simple as a hesitation in the conversation, or as pronounced as tears or heated emotion.

I’ve learned that if you listen long enough, people will give you clues to the areas that need to be explored in their lives.

Have you learned to listen intuitively? Most haven’t! That’s why they never saw the problem coming - until it was too late.

Conclusion

Author and lecturer Margret J. Wheatly is on to something when she says, “I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again. Simple, honest, human conversation.”

Could it really be that simple? Probably not, but it is true that powerful conversations do have potential to change lives. So are your conversations listening ones? Or do you merely seek to dominate them. Is anybody listening?

Coach John

Comments

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Do something to have faith, believe in yourself

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*All this cannot be accomplished overnight.

[Chad Payne]

This is a great article, Coach! Listening is probably one of the least practiced skills in the church today. Thanks for the insight.